⚔️ What it means to have grown up with bullying at school
Growing up with school bullying meant that education became a battlefield rather than a place of learning—your brain was constantly scanning for the next attack or humiliation instead of absorbing knowledge.
You may have learned that survival meant becoming invisible, perfect, the class clown, helpful, ultra-polite, a teacher's pet, or even a bully yourself—whatever would deflect attention away from you. As a schoolkid, you learned to embrace being different and outside the group rather than trying to fit in and risk more rejection. You developed an almost supernatural ability to detect subtle shifts in peer approval or hostility, turning you into an expert at reading social danger signals.
You may have found your people—the others who didn't fit the mold—and there was safety in belonging to a group that embraced being different from the mainstream. Even now, entering new group situations triggers an automatic threat response, and authentic self-expression in new groups feels dangerous. You carry the deep conviction that real belonging in many social groups isn't realistic—that you'll always be an outsider looking in at the relatively easy social connections others enjoy.