đź’” What it means to have grown up with childhood trauma and PTSD
Growing up with trauma meant your nervous system learned to stay permanently switched on—creating incredible survival instincts while making intimate relationships feel exhausting and overwhelming.
You may have developed intense fear responses as a child—panic attacks, nightmares, or intrusive memories that would take you back to traumatic moments against your will. Even basic tasks felt exhausting because you were using so much mental energy just to cope with things others found easy like sleeping, concentrating, and making decisions. Your developing brain became incredibly attuned to reading people's energy and micro-expressions, making you almost psychic at detecting relationship red flags and protecting yourself from harm.
You may have learned to swing between emotional extremes—either feeling completely numb and dissociated when your system shuts down to protect you, or drowning in intense feelings when the floodgates burst open. Even when your partner is being loving and consistent, your body feels jumpy because it still carries those early trauma memories, bracing for the next emotional storm even in moments of genuine safety. You're so busy scanning for danger that you struggle to actually receive the love and affection that's right in front of you.