⚔️ What it means to have grown up with fear-based or authoritarian parents
Growing up with authoritarian parents meant living under a regime where rules mattered more than relationships, and questioning authority was treated as an act of rebellion.
You may have learned that your thoughts, feelings, and authentic self were dangerous territories to explore. In your house, there was little room for negotiation, curiosity, or mistakes. You discovered early that the safest strategy was to become the "perfect" child on the outside while hiding your real thoughts and feelings in a place where they couldn't get you in trouble. Every decision had to be justified, every emotion controlled, and every expression of individuality carefully censored.
You may have developed an internal critic that sounds suspiciously like your controlling parent, constantly monitoring and filtering your authentic self to avoid triggering negative reactions. Now, even in safe relationships, you might find yourself rehearsing conversations endlessly or exhausting yourself by trying to be who you think others want you to be. Freedom and authentic self-expression can still feel frightening, as if being truly yourself might lead to rejection or punishment.