💔 What it means to have lost your mother in childbirth
Losing your mother in childbirth meant your very existence became intertwined with profound loss, creating a complex relationship with your own worth and right to be here.
You may have grown up carrying an invisible weight - the knowledge that your arrival into this world coincided with the ultimate departure of the person who was supposed to love you first and most. This primal loss may have left you with a deep sense that your very existence somehow caused harm, even though you logically understand this isn't true. Your relationship with birthdays, celebrations, and milestones became complicated, often tinged with grief you couldn't fully name or understand.
You may have developed an intense fear of abandonment alongside a paradoxical belief that you're destined to cause loss in the lives of those you love. Your nervous system learned to associate closeness with the possibility of devastating consequences, making intimacy feel both desperately needed and terrifyingly dangerous. The absence of maternal bonding may have left you searching for that unconditional love while simultaneously believing you don't deserve it.