BODY THAT LEARNED TO LEAVE

When your boundaries were violated, your body developed an emergency protocol: to vanish. Dissociating during sex—being mentally somewhere else, floating outside yourself, numbness, or losing time—isn't a flaw—it's your body's way of remembering when being present was too overwhelming or simply unsafe.

Your nervous system became a master escape artist—learning that at times the safest place was anywhere but here. Maybe you find yourself watching from the ceiling, or suddenly feeling like you're moving through thick fog, or discovering that minutes have passed without any memory of them. Your mind learned to build escapes in moments when staying present felt unbearable.

This made sense then. But now your body doesn't distinguish between past threats and present safety. Body has no time—it just knows that intimacy once meant you needed to disappear, so it helpfully offers you the same escape route 🚪. You might feel frustrated that you can't control it, guilty for "not being present" with your partner, or ashamed that your body seems to have a mind of its own. This creates a profound sense of alienation—you feel that you are different and that there's something inherently wrong with you.

Note: This survivor love style description has been adapted due to its highly sensitive nature. Working with therapists who specialize in sexual trauma can help you learn more about rewiring these patterns and reshaping your relationship with intimacy 🌱.