💔 What it means to have grown up with shame-based parenting
Growing up with shame-based parenting meant learning that your worth was conditional, that love came packaged with criticism and humiliation, and that who you were at your core was somehow fundamentally flawed and needed fixing.
You may have learned to constantly watch your parent's moods and adapt yourself before trouble started, developing an early warning system for detecting danger in tone or expression. Your parent's criticism and belittling were somehow "for your own good," teaching you that love and humiliation were inseparable. You might have been told your feelings were wrong, dramatic, or inconvenient, learning that authentic self-expression was dangerous territory.
You may struggle to trust your own judgment now, with a disapproving voice in your head that sounds suspiciously like your parent, constantly questioning your decisions and reality. Even in relationships, you might filter your thoughts and expressions to avoid triggering negative reactions, never feeling fully safe to be yourself. The anticipation of judgment leads you to hide parts of yourself, carrying the deep belief that if people really knew you, they'd find you lacking.