COME HERE, GO AWAY

Growing up, love came with mixed messages—sometimes your parent was emotionally available and caring, other times they were distant, overwhelmed, or completely unpredictable 🎭. You learned that relationships could disappear without warning, that people you depended on might suddenly become unavailable or leave entirely. At the same time, you experienced moments of genuine connection that felt so good you'd do anything to hold onto them ✨. This created a deep internal conflict—you desperately crave closeness and intimacy, but you also fear it because getting close means risking devastating loss 💔.

Now you find yourself caught in a double-bind of conflicting desires for both closeness and distance, creating simultaneous pull-push behaviors that can feel confusing even to you 🌊. In relationships, you alternate between extremes—sometimes clinging intensely to your partner out of fear they might leave ("This might be my only chance"), other times pushing them away preemptively to protect yourself from potential heartbreak ("Why bother with that crazy person? I'd rather be alone than deal with that mess"). You self-sabotage in other ways too—you might test your partner with subconscious "loyalty checks"—challenging them to leave you—so they can prove to you they won't. Thus you're creating the very instability you're trying to avoid 🌀.

Sometimes you do both with the same person within a single weekend 🔄—pulling them in close when you feel disconnected, then feeling suffocated and needing space the moment they respond to your need for closeness. This pattern feels almost intentional, except it's not under your conscious control. Relationships feel either dangerously suffocating or painfully absent, with no middle ground. You either lose yourself completely in new partners or keep them at arm's length to prevent being overwhelmed by their "unreasonable" needs. With time, many of your relationships become chaotic and volatile, which sometimes drives you to swing to the opposite extreme and avoid deep connections entirely—keeping things strictly casual. Your heart wants what it fears most—the very intimacy that could heal you also feels like it could destroy you.